An Anniversary

Four years ago today Greg, Craig, and Russell Smith came to live with us, however, they are better known as Mark, Scott, and Russell Spencer. It has by no means been an easy river to raft and some days it felt like we might drown in the white water, but by God's grace we have paddled through the toughest rapids. In my young mind at the time, I thought adopting would just be like adding some sweet little children to the family and I would finally have the younger siblings I had always wanted. Oh how mistaken I was. These kids were not some sweet angels raised in a a godly family, come to live with us. It has been more than a challenge and quite a process to etch away the layers of filth, hurt, and worldliness the boys had been exposed to in foster care and public school (though we are blessed that these boys had wonderful foster parents). It is still a challenge to love them even when they don't deserve it, or when I don't feel like being loving. But in reality, how often to any of us deserve to be loved and forgiven? And yet God unfailingly bestows His grace and love on us. It really isn't about how deserving they are of my affection, it's about showing Christ' love for us to them. I am daily learning to extend that grace just as I expect to receive it.

Looking back it is amazing to see how God has so faithfully brought us through the rough times, the times when I/we felt like giving up or giving in. We have all grown and changed tremendously through this experience, not just the boys, and I am so thankful that we have grown together and not apart. Even through the tears, the frustration, the challenges, and lack of faith, God has been gracious to us. The boys have grown and changed so much since they first came! I look forward to seeing what all God has in store for us the next four years. =)

Shortly after they came. We had the hardest time getting them give us a real smile. They hardly knew how to.

 Handsome cowboys at the State Fair

 Looking sharp for a concert

No longer the weak, unhappy boys we knew 4 years ago! These boys are fast on their way to becoming wonderful gentlemen.

Don't Shake Your Fist

All of us, throughout different times in our lives, struggle to be content; whether that's being content with our family, our house, the things we have, the situations at hand, or the tasks that demand our attention. I would suggest that the reason for our discontent springs from a skewed perception of happiness and joy, misunderstanding of our purpose in life. We think happiness is satisfying self and often that is manifest in buying things or seeking approval from man. We are taught to believe the newest technology, nicer cars, bigger houses, latest fashions, etc. will make us happy.  The old saying "money doesn't buy happiness" is true, having more stuff will probably make you happy for a little while (until there’s something newer and better), but it wont bring contentment. Why? Because true happiness comes from sacrifice and service. Yes, in sacrificing your life for others, dying to self. Jennie Chancey, co-author of Passionate Housewives Desperate for God, says, "true life is found in death; true happiness is found in sacrifice; true peace is found in giving away our comforts and security." Nothing will satisfy us when we have selfish goals; either selfish for material things or selfish for man’s praise.

We were created for the express purpose of bringing glory to God, serving Him, and living according to His commandments. It is our sin nature to desire glory for ourselves and seek praise and admiration from fellow men, but we should strive to bring praise to our Creator and Redeemer. We like to feel we are responsible for the good things that we do, but we are not. We are nothing without God's grace and forgiveness and it is only through Him that we do anything right and good. 

How does all this tie into being content? Well, once we see the bigger picture and realize what our goal in life is, we realize how small and insignificant we are without God. We have to humble ourselves and seek to bring glory and honor to God and not ourselves. We are so often discontent because we do not receive the praise we want; our hard work is over looked, or our efforts are taken for granted, but it is not man's praise that we need. It is not man that we will face on the day of judgement, but God. If we see every task as an opportunity to do our best for God's glory than it doesn't matter what man says. As Os Guinness said, "drudgery done for ourselves or for other human beings will always be drudgery. But drudgery done for God is lifted and changed." We are to “present [our] bodies as a living sacrifice” for God’s glory, sacrificing our lives in humility and service. Material positions will never satisfy either. As Matthew 6:19-21 says, “do not lay up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” 

Being discontent with life, both in the big things, such as where you live or the job you have, even down to the little things, like the weather or the unexpected situations that arise, is in essence shaking our fist in God’s face declaring that He doesn’t know what He’s doing and His plan is not perfect. So before we shake our fists, we need to stop and realize that trials are sent for our edification, to make us more like Christ.

Because I Know You're Curious

As I have eagerly anticipated graduating this spring, the ceremony being this Saturday and officially finishing my academic studies in May, I have given much thought to what lies ahead. As many of you may know, I am staying home to pursue my education in home economics, music, and theology, as well as spending much time doing what I love most: serving my family and friends. This may sound so....well....so old fashioned....or girly....or domestic. Why as a matter of fact, YES! I don't expect everyone to be as thrilled as I am, but I want to share with you why I have chosen this course of action as opposed to college.

1) Most importantly I feel assured that this is God's plan for me. I spent much time praying that He would show me what He wanted me to do post high school and I am confident this is it. I have never been more confident about a decision than I am about this one.

2) Being a homemaker is not just a nice idea, it's a Biblical command. Titus 2:4-5 says, "that [women] admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." (italics added) I have planned to be a homemaker as long as I can remember and never wanted to have a career. Thankfully my parents have come to understand the importance of this as well and have always encouraged Caity and I to pursue domestic skills.

3) I feel that staying at home, teaching myself and learning practical skills is the best way to prepare me to be a wife and mother which is my ultimate calling. No college text books, no writing on a chalk board in a lecture hall, and no peer focused college campus is going to prepare me to train and nurture children, cook healthy balanced meals, and juggle all the day to day realness of a home. Spending my time along side my mother, one of the best homemakers I've ever met, and helping in the homes of other godly women, learning from their wisdom and experience, learning by hands on trial and error is what is going to give me a good start.
It's not going to be perfect. It won't make me a flawless homemaker. And I'm sure there will be days when I'll wonder why I decided to do this, but I am sure in the end it will be well worth the effort.

~Striving for Christ,
Marissa

False View of Strength

I was listening to a song today by Lady Antebellum called Long Gone. I've heard it many times and, knowing I probably wouldn't agree with the lyrics, never really paid attention to what it was saying. As I found myself singing along, I stopped in mid sentence...."Wait, this isn't right!"

Here are the words to the first two verses and chorus:

"It's so like you just to show up at my door 

and act like nothing's happened.

You think I'll sweep up my heart off the floor 

and give it to you like so many times before

You're talking to a stranger, I'm not that girl anymore.

That girl is long gone

boy you missed the boat, it just sailed away

long gone, she's not drowning in her yesterdays 

betcha never thought I'd be that strong

well, this girl is long gone

Don't waste your breath with, 'baby, baby please'

'cause I am so not listening

Don't bother getting down upon your knees and trying to beg me

I'm tired of how you twist the truth

You're not talking to the same girl who used to forgive you

That girl is long gone

boy you missed the boat, it just sailed away

long gone, she's not drowning in her yesterdays 

betcha never thought I'd be that strong

well, this girl is long gone."

Really??? Obviously this song is about a guy and a girl, married or not isn't clear, but they've had a fight (also obvious it's not the first time). Is it strange for people to argue or have disagreements? Of course not. But in the song, the girl says that forgiving, trusting, and loving each other, as scriptures teaches us to do, is a weakness. That dumping him, refusing to listen, and not even trying to set things right, is being strong. How messed up is THAT!!! What a distorted view of strength. Strength is not walking way from difficult relationships. Strength is not hardening your heart against those who have hurt you. Strength isn't refusing to talk to people who have offended you. Strength is forgiving, loving, understanding, picking up the pieces and trying again. It is no wonder so many relationships in this culture fail (well, this is only one reason, there are a lot of others).

This reminded me of the movie Fireproof. If you haven't seen it, you should! It is wonderful. It follows the marriage of a couple who have been married for a few years and are in constant conflict. Neither of them are believers and are at the point of divorce, but through some godly influences in their lives, they come to see God's sacrifice, their sin and His Righteousness. I won't tell you the ending in case you haven't see it, but you can probably guess what happens. =) 

Jam Cookies

A couple weeks ago I found an excellent, flaky, butter pie crust recipe. It is delicious and works great for both savory dishes like quiches as well as sweets like pie. It also freezes really well. I found this yummy looking cookie recipe so I decided to try them. I had three very helpful, "professional" testers who gave good reviews. 

Fight the Good Fight

A good friend of mine posted this poem on her blog and I thought it was well worth passing on. 

"Fight the good fight with all thy might;

Christ is thy Strength, and Christ thy Right:

Lay hold on life, and it shall be

Thy joy and crown eternally.

Run the straight race, through God's good grace,

Lift up thine eyes and seek His face;

Life with its way before us lies

Christ is the Path and Christ the Prize

Cast care aside, lean on thy Guide;

His boundless mercy will provide;

Trust, and thy trusting soul shall prove

Christ is its Life and Christ its Love

Faint not nor fear, His arms are near;

He changeth not, and thou art dear;

Only believe, and thou shalt see

That Christ is all in all to thee."

~John S. B. Monsell, 1863

I cannot start neglecting my blog already, I just can't. The last two weeks have been quite busy. As I said in my last blog post, I mentioned our family trip to San Antonio. We had a wonderful time! The weather was quite beautiful; the activities, enjoyable; and the time with family, priceless and wonderful. We went to Seaworld and Fiesta Texas, spent a day in Austin and Fredericksburg, went to the Alamo and the riverwalk, met a wonderful family at church and had dinner with them, and got reacquainted with some old friends. Curtis and Caity returned to Idaho at the end of the week and the rest of the family returned home via Carlsbad Caverns.

This last week has been very busy trying to get back into the swing of things. Although the previous week was the NSA spring break, it was not my break, so I've been very busy catching up on and continuing reading and lectures, finally getting graduation announcements put together, making a dress for graduation/spring, and lot of baking and cooking, and a definite highlight of the week is that I've gotten to have two long chats with my best friend and sister. =)

I'm signin' out for now, but hopefully you'll hear more soon. =)

Because it Makes Me Smile

 Woke up this morning to see the bright gold of the sun just before it peaked over the mountains. Ahh, the best way to start the day! Before I had time to pull on a sweatshirt and get something on my feet, the vibrant color had vanished, replaced by the beaming glow of the sun behind dark clouds. The sky was filled with clouds, the ground dusted with fresh fallen snow, and the chilling sound of the wind blowing outside, reminded me that it's still winter, but ironically, today was the day I needed to start pulling out summer clothes. Yes, I know it's still March, but in some places, such as Texas, it actually feels like spring, because is spring. Well, what does it matter that it's spring in Texas??? It matters because early Friday, we'll be driving down to San Antonio where we'll meet up with Curtis and Caity, who are flying in from Idaho, for spring break! That's right folks, spring break in Texas. What could be better than that??? I'll tell you what. Spring break in Texas with the whole family!!!! That's what. =D Yes, someone is very much slightly excited! 

As I was working on school yesterday, I looked out my window to see the beautiful effect of the sun beginning to set and casting a really cool lighting on the opposite mountains. Oh and yes, this is the view from my window. It's amazing!

No Longer Slaves of Sin

We don't think of ourselves as slaves or servants very of often do we? I know I don't! We like to think that we are in control of our lives and though we are Christians, it seems we often think we can do whatever we choose. It is so easy to allow things to become too important and lose focus of what really matters. As Christians, our purpose on earth is to bring glory to God and to enjoy Him. We are servants of the Lord, called to do His will. Romans 6 talks quite a bit about being alive in Christ as opposed to slaves of sin. Starting in verse 5 it says,

"for if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin."

Because of the sacrifice of the Spotless Lamb, we are freed from the burden of sin. We are given new life in Christ that we may walk with Him, not in fear of death. When the Lamb was slain and it's blood poured out, we were purchased from the clutches of sin. We are no longer salves to the master of sin, but servants to the Master of life. Being a slave means constant conforming of the will to that of the owner. Every moment of a slave's life is spent in doing what pleases the master. I think we sometimes lose sight of our role as servants of the Most High. We say we are His children, claiming the benefits and freedom we are given in Christ, and yet preferring to ignore the fact that we are indebted to our Liberator. Our lives are not our own.

First Cor. 4:1 says, "let a man so consider us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God." Everyone is a servant to something. We either have been called to serve God, or we serve self, and in doing so serve Satan. Mathew 6:24 tells us, "no one can serve two masters for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon." Because of God's love for us, we were bought at a price, we received His undeserved grace. Romans 6 goes on to say in verse 16,

"Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one's slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness? But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness."

Who are we serving? Are we living for our own pleasure? Living to satisfy self and our fleshly desires, or are we daily striving to conform our will to be the same as that of our Master? Have we been captivated by the worldly hedonism, or are we living a life that says "not as I will, but as You will"? Do we surrender everything to His command? If we are freed from the bondage of sin and death, why do we chose to continue to live in it, reverting to our old ways, returning as "a dog to his own vomit" (Prov 26:11)?

Who do our actions show that we are serving?

All I Have is Christ

I wanted to share the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. If you haven't heard it, you can hear it on Youtube here. The words are so beautiful and so humbling!

I once was lost in darkest night

yet thought I knew the way.

The sin that promised joy in life

had led me to the grave.

I had no hope that You would own

a rebel to Your will

and if You had not loved me first, 

I would refuse You still.

But as I ran my hell-bound race

indifferent to the cost,

You looked upon my helpless state

and led me to the Cross. 

And I beheld God’s love displayed

You suffered in my place.

You bore the wrath reserved for me

now all I know is grace. 

Hallelujah, all I have is Christ

Hallelujah Jesus is my life

Now Lord I would be Yours alone 

and live so all might see.

The strength to follow Your commands

could never come from me.

Oh Father use my ransomed life

in any way You choose

and let my song forever be

my only boast is You.

Hallelujah, all I have is Christ

Hallelujah Jesus is my life

What is LOVE?

and by love I don’t mean the passionate feeling Hollywood tries to convince us is love.  But what is real Christ-like love? Genuine love for one another, love for siblings, brothers and sisters in Christ, love for people we find difficult to get along with. What does that kind of love look like? How do we learn to love people we don’t find it easy to enjoy? 

The first verse that comes to mind for most of us is probably 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 which says, 

“love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 

At first glance that may seem like a nice, easy list of do’s and don’ts, but I think when it’s unpacked it’s a whole lot more. “Love suffers long and is kind.” Suffers long. Patient. Forbearing. Uncomplaining. I find it interesting that patience and kindness are put together, and I think they are meant to be together for a reason. Sure, sometimes it’s easy to be tolerant of something or someone, but is it easy to always show kindness simultaneously? Maybe it’s easy for some to be kind, but is that kindness coupled with forbearance or seasoned with complaints? When we become practical atheists and are not patient and kind, when we rejoice in iniquity, when we behave rudely, are proud, and seek our own good above the good of others, we are not showing love. We are not behaving as Christ has called us to live, to take up our cross and follow Him. First Corinthians 11:24 says, “let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well being.” We can’t love our siblings, friends, and neighbors when our view of ourselves is so puffed up that we think more highly of our own good rather than the good of others. To be able to “love your neighbor as yourself,” I think it is imperative that we die to self and crucify our wants and wishes before God, giving over the desires of our flesh in order to show Christ’s love to other people. 

In all honesty I think we have to look deeper than the surface. The strength and power to love someone doesn’t come from some ability of our own. Any love that we could give comes from God, the author and perfect example of love. I am reminded of Galatians 2:20 which says, “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” As Christians, the good that we do comes solely from God because apart from Him we are evil and corrupt. We have no love to give but for God’s grace. How much more important than that we be willing and eager to share that love with others. We are taking the undeserved blessing we have been given and pouring it out to others, yes even those among our acquaintances whom we perceive as being undeserving. I think we have to humble ourselves to acknowledge that we are not capable of loving others without God’s help and we have to ask Him to love them through us.

Today’s culture has tried to distort our view of love into a self-centered love. I think as a culture we want to feel. We want to feel accepted, appreciated, valued, comfortable, loved. We have been sucked into the idea that it is all apart of feeling good and feeling kind, regardless of whether we really are. We blindly follow where news and media lead, which is to a self-serving, self-gratifying approach to life. As long as go about giving the idea that we are loving the world, we can spend our main focus making ourselves comfortable.  We are surrounded by and, to a great degree, have accepted distorted views of everything -- family relationships and values, government and the role of the Church, love and marriage -- and as Christians we have to be careful to guard against these societal norms in opposition to a Christ-like view. Our views should not be the same as the world’s, and if they are there is something wrong. Love isn’t about us. The whole point is about others. Not living to gratify me, but dying to self to show God’s love to others. It should be a mindset, a way of life, a part are who you are. The world would like nothing more than for us to be trapped into their idea of love. Why? Because it is a distorted view of God’s love and Satan takes great pleasure in seeing Christians accept his skewed versions of truth. What is your view of love?

I'd really love to hear your thoughts, ideas, and criticism. Please share! =)

More Than Words On A Page

Spending much of the last two days resting and trying to get over the flu, I decided this was the perfect time to listen to an audiobook I received for Christmas from one of my brothers called Abigail Adams: Her Letters. I haven't finished it yet, but I have really enjoyed learning more about Abigail Adams' life. She wrote over 2100 letters in her lifetime, many of which were letters of encouragement, prayer, and general information to her husband who was away from his wife for much of their marriage due to his political duties. There is a saying that "behind every good man is a great woman" and Abigail Adams was certainly the great woman behind her husband John Adams, second President of the United States. She was also probably one of the most influential people in her sons' lives. Her oldest son John Quincy Adams, who became the sixth President of the United States, began traveling with his father on business trips when he was 10 years old. It was during one of these trips that Abigail wrote him a letter in which she says:

"My dear son, 

these are times in which a genius would wish to live. It is not is the still calm of life or in the repose of a pacific station that great characters are formed, the habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. All history will convince you of this and that wisdom and penetration are the fruit of experience, not the lessons of retirement and leisure. Great necessities call out great virtues." 

There was more to her letter, but this part really stood out to me. She wrote so articulately and with purpose. Just reading or listening to her letters you learn so much about who she was as a woman, what things were important to her, what she valued in life, and where her focus was. She was focused on serving God, her husband, and her country. She was devoted to building others up with encouragement. It definitely got me thinking about what my letters say about me and what things I hold to be important. What do you want your letters to say about you? Things to think on as I strive to improve my letter writing. =)

~Striving for Christ,

Marissa

Home is Where My Heart is

I have been home for a week and a half now, and I can honestly say there is no place I'd rather be. Yes, I love traveling. Yes, I love spending time with my siblings and friends at college. Yes, I loved my vacation, but by the end of my stay in Moscow, I was really ready to come home. I think being away for almost a month helped me recognize and appreciate what a treasure I have in my family. I am so blessed to have such wonderful, godly parents who have such a strong love for God and an amazing vision for their family.

I missed the routine and structure of daily life. I missed cooking with Momma, walking into the kitchen to give Mom and hug and talk to her anytime of day, starting the day off with family worship, and gathering around the table three times a day, with the people I love the most (minus my older siblings), to share delicious meals. I missed seeing my brothers, hearing their guyish conversations and funny comments. I missed seeing my church family each week, receiving hugs from the precious little girls, talking with the mom's and young ladies, and hearing our wonderful pastor preach from God's Word.

As I begin to wrap up school and look forward to my high school graduation in a couple weeks, I continue to receive the previously daunting question of what I will be doing after graduation. For several weeks I had no idea what I was going to do or where God was going to lead me. I talked and prayed about it a lot, trying to choose between going to college at New Saint Andrews, where my older siblings are, or to stay home. Both options presented several pros and cons and I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to pick one. However, God's ways are not our ways, and in the course of a week, just before Christmas, God cleared up any doubt and showed me where He is directing my steps for this coming year. I am going to be staying home this next fall pursuing numerous things including music, literature, theology, finding ways to serve in my family, church, and community, and in general learning skills that will help prepare me to be a wife and mother someday. I couldn't be happier. Actually, I am nearly beside myself with joy and excitement about what all God has in store for me this next fall. I look forward to sharing the excitement of this journey with my readers and over time see the changes God brings about in my life.

~Striving for Christ,
Marissa

Only the Beginning

Hello there. Glad you made it to my new blog. I have decided to branch off and start my own blog. With Caity at college and Momma very busy teaching and raising three young men in the admonition of the Lord, our family blog has, for the most part, died. I'm not exactly sure at this point how much longer we'll leave it up or if there will be any more posts showing up there, but when we figure that out, I'll give you heads up.

My goals for this blog are

1) provide a way for relatives and friends (especially those who don't have facebook) to hear about the happenings of life in my neck of the woods

2) process and discuss thoughts and ideas about things I read or current discussions in every day life

3) post pictures, quotes, videos, and stories that brighten my life, in hopes that they may do the same for you

and most of all

4) bring glory to God through all my thoughts, words, and actions

I hope that God will use me, and the things I post, as an instrument through which to bless and encourage the lives of those who may read my blog.

~Striving for Christ,

Marissa