Freshman Year: A Twist I wasn't Expecting

I think 6 months is the longest I've gone between blog posts. Most of you (if anyone still reads my blog) probably thought college had eaten me, but I did actually survive freshman year. However, college took quite a different turn than I expected. Two weeks before finals, I got engaged.

It's a long story, but here goes. 

I had arrived in Moscow, gotten settled in, met my room mates, and said a tearful goodbye to my family and went down to a local coffee shop called Bucers with one of my roomies. We sat at a long table in the front and I met a lady named Mrs. Lloyd and her daughter. We talked for a while about who knows what, probably school, why I picked NSA, my family, etc. A few days later was Orientation, my first Sunday at Christ Church, and then a church wide picnic. I saw Mrs. Lloyd and her husband and stopped to say hi. Then their son Tellan walked over and introduced himself. He was an NSA Sophomore. Cool. Nice family. I moved on and prepared to start school. What I didn't know was that Mr. Lloyd and Jordyn (Tellan's sister) had picked me out and told Tellan before he even met me.

As the first term (8 weeks) began, Tellan made an effort to talk to me a lot at church, at school, at Bucers, and if we happened to be studying on our porch when he walked by since he lived just around the block. By fall break my siblings and I could tell that he was becoming quite interested in me. Leaving coffee in my mailbox was just one of the many hints. Meanwhile Tellan had talked to his parents about "ya know that girl you mentioned?" At the end of the term I left to go home for fall break and Tellan contacted my dad. He was interested in getting to know me and possibly pursue a relationship later on. I talked to my parents for a while and my dad gave us permission to spend some time getting to know one another. 

So the second term we spent time "studying" and talking at Starbucks, enjoying Sabbath meals with friends at his house, mine, or other places, and talking at school, etc. He also walked me home from school on days when our classes finished at the same time. Again, I headed home for Thanksgiving break and Tellan called my dad again. He was ready to take it to the next step. Again we talked about it  and then Dad began getting to know Tellan on his own and asking him questions. 

The end of the term began to draw to a close and we studied for finals, had a pancake party at his house, and things were great. Or so he thought. Two days before I left, with school off my mind, I had time to actually start thinking about where things were headed with this relationship. Stress and exhaustion got the better of me and I freaked out. Things like "he's kinda quirky," "I need to focus on school," "I can't handle school and a relationship," and "I don't know if I even really like him," were the thoughts my mom was bombarded with as we video chatted. My roommates were out enjoying their freedom and soaking up every minute of Christmas break, while I sat at home, lights dim, tired eyes red from tears. And I received a text: "hey, we should hang out before you leave." The moment I was dreading. I bundled up, he walked by, and knocked on the door while I prayed for God to give me the words, prayed he wouldn't be too hurt, and that I wouldn't cry. We walked down to One World (another local coffee shop). 

We ordered coffee, went up to the loft, and talked. He tried to carry the conversation, asking questions, making comments, but I was quiet and not my normal self and it was obvious. All the time I sat trying to figure out how to broach the subject, how to tell him I wasn't interested. He finally asked, "is everything ok? You're really quiet." I stared at my ceramic mug fingers tracing the rim. "Yeah, there's something I need to tell you." Then it was out. Silence. How hard did it hit? Is he terribly hurt? Now what? We talked some more and he said it was fine, and he understood. He wanted to know when we could talk about it again. Ummm when I'm 25? 40? Never? "Probably nothing till summer" I said. He nodded. Well, with that wet blanket thrown out there, we pulled our coats on and walked out. He stopped at the house his dad was staying at while he was in town and picked up the gift he had gotten me, walked me to my house, and gave me the gift. Why? After I just shot you in the arm you go and give me a gift? It was a Lee Brice CD and a bag of gummy worms. Man... he already knows me well. 

I cried myself to sleep, confused, exhausted, drained, and annoyed that I didn't understand my own feelings. 

I left early the next morning to drive home with Caity and a friend of ours from NM. The ride was 21 hours and I slept through most of it. Four weeks of Christmas break, four weeks of anguish, frustration, confusion, sleep, prayer, and talking to my mom. By the time I went back to school I was convinced I had done the right thing, I needed and wanted to finish freshman year, and I wasn't ready for a relationship. Though Tellan had seemed calm and fine after coffee that night, I had no idea that all Christmas break he was just as miserable and upset as I was. Even though he had a feeling things weren't really over, that didn't keep him from feeling the pain. 

When we got back to school, I was holding firm to my resolve and we avoided each other and didn't talk for the first two weeks. As providence would have it, that was "courtship" term in Lordship class where we talked about the roles of men and women, courtship, and marriage. Pretty soon I began realizing that we had gotten to know each other pretty well, and I missed my friend. I also realized as we read about what a godly man and husband should be like, that I knew a man with so many of those wonderful qualities and he was interested in me. 

One day I was out shoveling snow (or rather chipping ice) on our side walk when Tellan walks up. He had been praying that God would give him an opportunity just to talk to me. Boom. Prayer answered. He stopped and we talked for a few minutes, he walked home to get a better shovel, came back and finished chipping the ice. As I stood there watching him, he apologized to me! What did he have to apologize for? I was the one that was so unsure of herself, the one that caused the pain. Wow! At least we could be friends again. I talked to a professor one afternoon about Tellan and relationships and life. I began talking to my parents about Tellan again and informed them that I was interested in pursing a relationship with him if he was still interested. My dad emailed to ask if he wanted to pick up where they left off. He was answered with an enthusiastic yes. At the end of third term, my family went down to Arizona for spring break. That happens to be where Tellan's family lives and so we met up with them several times. Mid week my dad gave Tellan and I permission to start courting. 

We began spending even more time together studying, talking, eating, sitting together at Church, etc. We also began reading a courtship book together. My dad had given him permission to try and win my heart and he did exactly that. We got engaged on the front porch of my house where we had spent lots of time talking, studying, and reading. We are so excited to get married this summer and begin next school year as a married couple.  

Thank you to all of you who prayed for us and were a huge encouragement to us both throughout our relationship. 

~Striving for Christ,

Marissa

Of This, That, and the Other

This is truly going to be a hodgepodge post because life is so full and everything happens all at the same time, or so it feels. The last time I updated was almost three weeks ago and I hadn't even officially started school. Well, a lot can and does happen in three weeks especially in college. Things officially began on August 10th at the NSA 2012 Convocation Ceremony where all the Freshmen signed "the book" for the first time and were welcomed to the school by all the faculty. It was a very exciting and momentous time -- the beginning of any life changing adventure usually is. =)

We got our first assignments at Convocation as well and so the weekend (except for Sunday) consisted of some scrambling to get some reading done before classes began on Monday the 13th. Weeks one and two are behind me and in those two weeks I've met tons of people, had several lectures, taken weekly quizzes, finished two books, started 4 other books, attended Christ Church, played volleyball and frisbee, studied at Bucers, walked through the Farmers' Market on Saturday mornings, spent time with my dear siblings, played games, cooked, and attended CRF. In all that I've managed to find time to run and bike and get a good amount of sleep each night. No, really. I have been. Don't look at the time I posted this. That doesn't matter. ;-)
It's been an amazing experience so far and already stretched and pushed me. I think Latin may be my favorite class so far, but it's hard to have a favorite here. This week we have two paper abstracts due and we write our first declamations. A paper abstract is like condensed form of what your paper is going to be -- the ground work from which you launch into your paper. And declamations are roughly 200 words that we write on any given topic or with some specific guidelines that we then present to our class and teachers. I think that's going to be really fun. We'll see how it goes. Sometimes writing 200 words is harder than a 4 page paper.

So that was the "This" part of the post and now on to the "that" part and later I'll get to the "other" part. Just hang on. =)

At the end of week 1 Mr. N. D. Wilson gave a talk to the whole student body that I found particularly thought provoking. It wasn't something new, but rather something that I've been thinking and talking about with family and friends a lot recently. As college students, whether already in the middle of their college experience or beginning of freshman year, we should all stop to think about why we are here and what we are going to do with our time at college. What is our purpose/calling in being here? It's going to be different for each student, but one thing that doesn't change is that we are all making a choice ever day. Every day is an opportunity for one of two things -- we can either slide away from godliness or we can walk on the path of righteousness. We cannot simply coast along in the middle of the two for four years, or even one year, and get to the end and all of a sudden be firmly planted in the path of righteousness. Each day we are practicing who we are going to become. The little decisions we make today are a part of shaping who we will be down the road. It's no small matter. There is no decision that is of no consequence. Every action has a repercussion. It can either be a blessing or a curse, but there will be an outcome from your actions today.
This is something I've thought about a lot over the last two weeks have I've been faced with tons of choices -- when, where, and what do study, who to spend time with, when and where to hang out with people, what parties and activities to go to and what to say no to. Choices of honesty, friendships, time management, forming good study habits, etc. They are all things that taken one at a time in little doses can seem like a small matter and insignificant, but it is in the making of those little choices that my character will be shaped in one direction or another. You will reap what you sew.

The "other" part of my post is actually going to wait.... one because it's late and I have to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for class at 8, and secondly because it's about a talk that I heard tonight at the CRF meeting that I thought was really good, but I want more time to think about it before I put my thoughts out for all the world to read. So that's it for now, but hopefully I'll have time to update again soon.

P.S. Highlight of the day - a roommate bringing home a box of doughnuts after work and four girls harmonizing and praising God together before returning to homework. Life in and of itself is such a gift, but to add additional joys on top of it all is almost too much. God is so good! =)

Getting Settled

I arrived in Moscow, Idaho on Thursday and got things moved into my house. Friday Mom and I spent the day shopping and getting things set up in my house to make it feel like a home and ready to live it. I am so enjoying the house and my room mates. We've spent a lot of time together and are all sitting around in the living room talking about personalities as I write. I am so excited about living with these girls for the next 9 months! I think it's going to be wonderful! 

Today, our landlord who is in town came over to see the house and figure out what things need to be fixed. Our carpet in the living room and dining room smelled really bad and after a little investigation we found there are real wood floors under the carpet. Our landlord, his sons, and a couple other guys began tearing up the carpet right away. Tomorrow they will sand the floors and then refinish them on Wednesday. We are all so excited and it already looks great and more spacious even though the floor is in a rough unfinished state. =) 

This evening we cooked dinner together and had a wonderful time of fellowship with our landlord and his family, the guys that are working on the house, and a few young ladies from school. It was so wonderful to be able to host 12+ people in our house and not feeling constrained by unfinished flooring, small spaces, not really knowing the people, etc. I can't really describe it. It feels like such simple hospitality, but it is so beautiful. I am so excited about this year and all that I will learn through it both academically and in everyday life. 

Here are some pictures of my house with the unfinished floors. I'll post some more pictures, hopefully in a couple days, when everything is finished and put back together. 

This is a picture from the front door looking into the living room and dining room

 This is also from the front door looking toward the hall and my bedroom (the door on the left).

 This is our scattered living room and our super comfy chairs that all four of us love....unfortunately there are only two. =)

And this is my bedroom, or at least my side of it. =) 

Let Go and Let God

Each day passes reminding me that I have one less day at home. This summer has flown by. I knew when I got home from the graduation/wedding trip at the beginning of June that I would have 8 weeks at home, and though I knew it would be short, I didn't realize just how short it would feel! I am down to 9 days at home. For 28 days straight we have had constant and overlapping company, which was a blast and I wouldn't trade for anything, but then when the house is quiet and our lives return to their normal routine, I realize just how little time is left.
Our last Sunday at our church. The last time I see different people. The last Bible Study. Last ladies' prayer. Last frisbee game. Last. Last. Last. . . Each one marches on no matter how much you want to hold on - to savor the moments and drag them out. They slip by. There is a season for everything, but sometimes it's hard.
I am looking forward to college, don't get me wrong. I know God has many things to teach me in many different areas of life, and for that I am excited, but at the same time it is bitter sweet. The uncertainty of the unknown lies ahead. How will I be changed? Both positive and (hopefully very little) negative. What will change at home? How long will I be called to go to NSA? What will come next? How will friendships change while I'm away. What new friendships does God have in store and how will those change me? In what ways will I be drawn closer to God through it all?
So many questions, and so far, no answers. Time will tell. I must let it rest in His hands.
One thing that comes to mind every time is that God is in control. He has a plan. He holds every day and every moment in His hands. My job is to live each day to the glory of God and let Him work out His will through me. He is the Potter, I am the clay. My life is His to mold and shape for His glory.

There is a really good quote from Kevin DeYoung's book Just Do Something that sums up our lives.

‎"So the end of the matter is this: Live for God. Obey the Scriptures. Think of others before yourself. Be holy. Love Jesus. And as you do these things, do whatever else you like, with whomever you like, wherever you like, and you'll be walking in the will of God."

When Restless Legs Don't Sleep

It's a gentle rock, a smooth motion - except for the occasional jerk and jolt - like the rocking of a mother with her child, like the sway of a cradle, like the roll of the ocean waves. It is a new experience, this travel by train. From one side of the country to the other. Chicago to Albuquerque. Twenty-five hours of continual, smooth motion. The clock ticks on. The hours grow late, then early. Nights are short when sleep comes easily, and yet they drag on, each moment seeming an eternity, when no sleep comes. My body, fighting illness for the third time in a month, begs for sleep, but my restless legs have a different idea in mind. My eyes long to rest during these early hours as they are accustom to do at this time of night, but my aching back doesn't agree. I take my book to the lounge car so I can read without disturbing the peaceful, sleeping passengers with the light. Quite a contrast now from the boisterous group of adolescents  that flooded the seats before. A few like minded souls scatter the seats; one reading, two talking, another on the phone - the remains of a midnight snack littering the table before him.

I think over the past 5 days. Packing, flying, driving, sitting, talking, laughing. Meeting new people, seeing old friends and acquaintances, listening to hours of lectures, great cafeteria food, fellowship. It all sped by so fast. It jumbles in my head begging to be sorted and processed. Courage, faith, leadership, fathers, vision, discipleship, hospitality, work, rest, play, and taking dominion. What else is there to do at this time of night?

Chicago - Oct. 23-26th

Dad had a business meeting in Chicago this past Tuesday, and asked if I'd like to go with him. We left on Sunday afternoon and had a delicious dinner at Daddy's favorite steakhouse in Chicago that night.
We had all of Monday to spend together. We went to the top of the John Hancock building (94 floors up), took an architectural tour on the Chicago river, walk  up and down Michigan Ave., enjoyed a hot drink and a pumpkin muffin at Starbucks, and walked through part of the Art Institute of Chicago (which is HUGE). Dad had a short meeting and then a business dinner which I went to with him.
Tuesday Daddy had meetings all day, so I took a train out to Harvard, IL to visit a friend of mine who lives out there. We had a great time walking around and talking at an apple orchard. Later that evening we drove into Chicago with a few of her siblings and another friend of theirs for a Blackhawks hockey game. I'd never been to a real hockey game before, so that was a really fun and exciting adventure.
Wednesday Dad had a half day of meetings and then we walked around downtown Chicago and did a little shopping. Then we took a cab out to the airport and waited around there for a couple hours before our 8:45 flight.
I thoroughly enjoyed spending lots of time with Daddy, just the two of us. We don't get that very often. =) That trip was definitely full of new experiences like taking a taxi, figuring out public transportation, walking around in such a huge city, going to a pro hockey game, and going to a business dinner with Dad. It was all fantastic.
I'm glad to be home now though. I'm looking forward to being home for a long time and not traveling anywhere. =)