Dehydrated

Have you ever been so thirsty, so dehydrated that you crave anything but that thing which your body needs most? Or the when you think you're hungry, but there's only one thing to satisfy that hunger...or is it thirst? You drink a soda, tea, milk, try some chocolate, crackers, cheese, and still there's no satisfaction. You need more. Something else. Water. 

Pour a glass, drink and drink until you think you're going to pop. 

Sometimes we can be in that same position spiritually. To be so hungry, so thirsty for God we don't recognize it for what it is. Perhaps you're not has happy as you used to be, and you need something to fill the gap. Maybe fellowship with women in the Church? More time with the spouse or kids? Join an outreach? A book by a Christian author should do the trick....but it doesn't, not quite. We know we need something, but in all our searching we bypass the very thing that will satisfy. Prayer and the Word of God. 

The leather bound book sits by your bed, untouched, collecting dust as the weeks pass. All the while God is waiting for you to pick it up, to call out to Him and He will fill your soul, quench your thirst. 

When did you stop reading? When did you think you had it all together and didn't need God every minute of every day? Or when were the rough times too hard for God to overcome if you would just ask? 

As thirsty as you are sometimes, it can be hard to pour that cup of water and drink. As burdened as your heart may be, it can be difficult to pick up the Bible, sit down and drink. 

Is it because of fear? Fear that the sins you know are present and have been trying to ignore, are going to be revealed and challenged? Fear that you cannot comfortably live with sin, even the tiniest one, when being fed by the Word? It will call you out. It will bring you to account for your sin, your actions, even if it's heart sin not and not outward. But that is as it should be. If we read the Bible and are not challenged and called to repentance by it, we are reading with callous hearts and deaf ears. The beauty of Christianity is repentance and forgiveness. We all stumble and fall. We all walk through the desert, the valley of darkness. When we repent and ask, God forgives and we become pure in His sight.

"You are all together beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." Song of Solemn 4:7

Jesus even compares Himself to water--living water. If we drink the life giving water we will never thirst again, He will satisfy. Come back to the well, drink, be filled, and live. 

Eucharisteo

This last week I finished reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. It was a fantastic story and journey of a woman seeking the joy, thanksgiving, and grace in every day life. She has a very creative writing style which illustrates the way she looks at life. Her focus throughout the book is finding the Eucharisteo in every situation. The word Eucharisteo is the Greek word meaning thanksgiving. The root word of Eucharisteo is charis which means "grace" and the word chara means "joy."
Toward the beginning of the book someone challenges her to make a list of 1000 gifts or things that she is thankful for and through the making of the list her eyes are opened to seeing things in a new light. Finding the joy in little things, in the mundane, the simple, and the challenging. She finds grace in the trials, the pain, and the sorrow. It is a journey of seeing God's loving hand at work in our lives in a way that we do not normally stop to think about or recognize as love and grace. Often it's hard to see Christ's love displayed though the pain of a friend's suffering, or the grace in the blown tire, or the joy in a cup of spilled milk, but as Ann writes down things she's thankful for she begins looking for moments and opportunities to thank God, she shares the Eucharisteo moments with her children, and life becomes a cup of joy and grace instead of the tiresome and crazy life of a mother with a half-dozen children.
I am taking up the challenge to begin a list. To stop and recognize the blessings and gifts around me. To search for the hidden treasures. To reform the way I look at life and to see it through the eyes of Eucharisteo. I encourage you to read the book if you have a chance. It's wonderful!

Freshman Year: A Twist I wasn't Expecting

I think 6 months is the longest I've gone between blog posts. Most of you (if anyone still reads my blog) probably thought college had eaten me, but I did actually survive freshman year. However, college took quite a different turn than I expected. Two weeks before finals, I got engaged.

It's a long story, but here goes. 

I had arrived in Moscow, gotten settled in, met my room mates, and said a tearful goodbye to my family and went down to a local coffee shop called Bucers with one of my roomies. We sat at a long table in the front and I met a lady named Mrs. Lloyd and her daughter. We talked for a while about who knows what, probably school, why I picked NSA, my family, etc. A few days later was Orientation, my first Sunday at Christ Church, and then a church wide picnic. I saw Mrs. Lloyd and her husband and stopped to say hi. Then their son Tellan walked over and introduced himself. He was an NSA Sophomore. Cool. Nice family. I moved on and prepared to start school. What I didn't know was that Mr. Lloyd and Jordyn (Tellan's sister) had picked me out and told Tellan before he even met me.

As the first term (8 weeks) began, Tellan made an effort to talk to me a lot at church, at school, at Bucers, and if we happened to be studying on our porch when he walked by since he lived just around the block. By fall break my siblings and I could tell that he was becoming quite interested in me. Leaving coffee in my mailbox was just one of the many hints. Meanwhile Tellan had talked to his parents about "ya know that girl you mentioned?" At the end of the term I left to go home for fall break and Tellan contacted my dad. He was interested in getting to know me and possibly pursue a relationship later on. I talked to my parents for a while and my dad gave us permission to spend some time getting to know one another. 

So the second term we spent time "studying" and talking at Starbucks, enjoying Sabbath meals with friends at his house, mine, or other places, and talking at school, etc. He also walked me home from school on days when our classes finished at the same time. Again, I headed home for Thanksgiving break and Tellan called my dad again. He was ready to take it to the next step. Again we talked about it  and then Dad began getting to know Tellan on his own and asking him questions. 

The end of the term began to draw to a close and we studied for finals, had a pancake party at his house, and things were great. Or so he thought. Two days before I left, with school off my mind, I had time to actually start thinking about where things were headed with this relationship. Stress and exhaustion got the better of me and I freaked out. Things like "he's kinda quirky," "I need to focus on school," "I can't handle school and a relationship," and "I don't know if I even really like him," were the thoughts my mom was bombarded with as we video chatted. My roommates were out enjoying their freedom and soaking up every minute of Christmas break, while I sat at home, lights dim, tired eyes red from tears. And I received a text: "hey, we should hang out before you leave." The moment I was dreading. I bundled up, he walked by, and knocked on the door while I prayed for God to give me the words, prayed he wouldn't be too hurt, and that I wouldn't cry. We walked down to One World (another local coffee shop). 

We ordered coffee, went up to the loft, and talked. He tried to carry the conversation, asking questions, making comments, but I was quiet and not my normal self and it was obvious. All the time I sat trying to figure out how to broach the subject, how to tell him I wasn't interested. He finally asked, "is everything ok? You're really quiet." I stared at my ceramic mug fingers tracing the rim. "Yeah, there's something I need to tell you." Then it was out. Silence. How hard did it hit? Is he terribly hurt? Now what? We talked some more and he said it was fine, and he understood. He wanted to know when we could talk about it again. Ummm when I'm 25? 40? Never? "Probably nothing till summer" I said. He nodded. Well, with that wet blanket thrown out there, we pulled our coats on and walked out. He stopped at the house his dad was staying at while he was in town and picked up the gift he had gotten me, walked me to my house, and gave me the gift. Why? After I just shot you in the arm you go and give me a gift? It was a Lee Brice CD and a bag of gummy worms. Man... he already knows me well. 

I cried myself to sleep, confused, exhausted, drained, and annoyed that I didn't understand my own feelings. 

I left early the next morning to drive home with Caity and a friend of ours from NM. The ride was 21 hours and I slept through most of it. Four weeks of Christmas break, four weeks of anguish, frustration, confusion, sleep, prayer, and talking to my mom. By the time I went back to school I was convinced I had done the right thing, I needed and wanted to finish freshman year, and I wasn't ready for a relationship. Though Tellan had seemed calm and fine after coffee that night, I had no idea that all Christmas break he was just as miserable and upset as I was. Even though he had a feeling things weren't really over, that didn't keep him from feeling the pain. 

When we got back to school, I was holding firm to my resolve and we avoided each other and didn't talk for the first two weeks. As providence would have it, that was "courtship" term in Lordship class where we talked about the roles of men and women, courtship, and marriage. Pretty soon I began realizing that we had gotten to know each other pretty well, and I missed my friend. I also realized as we read about what a godly man and husband should be like, that I knew a man with so many of those wonderful qualities and he was interested in me. 

One day I was out shoveling snow (or rather chipping ice) on our side walk when Tellan walks up. He had been praying that God would give him an opportunity just to talk to me. Boom. Prayer answered. He stopped and we talked for a few minutes, he walked home to get a better shovel, came back and finished chipping the ice. As I stood there watching him, he apologized to me! What did he have to apologize for? I was the one that was so unsure of herself, the one that caused the pain. Wow! At least we could be friends again. I talked to a professor one afternoon about Tellan and relationships and life. I began talking to my parents about Tellan again and informed them that I was interested in pursing a relationship with him if he was still interested. My dad emailed to ask if he wanted to pick up where they left off. He was answered with an enthusiastic yes. At the end of third term, my family went down to Arizona for spring break. That happens to be where Tellan's family lives and so we met up with them several times. Mid week my dad gave Tellan and I permission to start courting. 

We began spending even more time together studying, talking, eating, sitting together at Church, etc. We also began reading a courtship book together. My dad had given him permission to try and win my heart and he did exactly that. We got engaged on the front porch of my house where we had spent lots of time talking, studying, and reading. We are so excited to get married this summer and begin next school year as a married couple.  

Thank you to all of you who prayed for us and were a huge encouragement to us both throughout our relationship. 

~Striving for Christ,

Marissa

Wait

In reply to yesterday's blog post, a friend of mine sent me part of this poem. It is a beautiful poem about trusting God and learning to wait on His perfect timing. It fits perfectly. I love how God uses friends to encourage us at just the right time and in just the right way. What a blessing.

Wait

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Let Go and Let God

Each day passes reminding me that I have one less day at home. This summer has flown by. I knew when I got home from the graduation/wedding trip at the beginning of June that I would have 8 weeks at home, and though I knew it would be short, I didn't realize just how short it would feel! I am down to 9 days at home. For 28 days straight we have had constant and overlapping company, which was a blast and I wouldn't trade for anything, but then when the house is quiet and our lives return to their normal routine, I realize just how little time is left.
Our last Sunday at our church. The last time I see different people. The last Bible Study. Last ladies' prayer. Last frisbee game. Last. Last. Last. . . Each one marches on no matter how much you want to hold on - to savor the moments and drag them out. They slip by. There is a season for everything, but sometimes it's hard.
I am looking forward to college, don't get me wrong. I know God has many things to teach me in many different areas of life, and for that I am excited, but at the same time it is bitter sweet. The uncertainty of the unknown lies ahead. How will I be changed? Both positive and (hopefully very little) negative. What will change at home? How long will I be called to go to NSA? What will come next? How will friendships change while I'm away. What new friendships does God have in store and how will those change me? In what ways will I be drawn closer to God through it all?
So many questions, and so far, no answers. Time will tell. I must let it rest in His hands.
One thing that comes to mind every time is that God is in control. He has a plan. He holds every day and every moment in His hands. My job is to live each day to the glory of God and let Him work out His will through me. He is the Potter, I am the clay. My life is His to mold and shape for His glory.

There is a really good quote from Kevin DeYoung's book Just Do Something that sums up our lives.

‎"So the end of the matter is this: Live for God. Obey the Scriptures. Think of others before yourself. Be holy. Love Jesus. And as you do these things, do whatever else you like, with whomever you like, wherever you like, and you'll be walking in the will of God."

In Which City do You Dwell?

"O Lord, You are my God. I will exalt You, I will praise Your name, for You have done wonderful things; Your counsels of old are faithfulness and truth." Isaiah 25:1

Our wonderful pastor has been has been teaching through Isaiah, and though part of it is difficult to understand at times, there is also so much to learn from it. One thing that has really stood out to me and that I love is the beautiful picture of Redemption and Restoration that is promised to Israel.

Israel had turned away from God and was in rebellion, but in God's Grace, they returned to Him and worship Him once again. He turned their hearts back to Him. Instead of destroying them, they were given the promise of a Remnant that would redeem them. The people had been living in the city of man, serving self and denying God, but God turned them back to the City of God, the city of life. There is no middle ground, you can either dwell in the city of man or the City of God. In the City of God there is life, hope, redemption, and safety.

I love reading Psalm 121, a promise of hope and safety.

I will lift up my eyes to the hills - from whence comes my help? 

My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. 

He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. 

Behold, He who keeps Israel shall either slumber nor sleep. 

The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade at your right hand. 

The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. 

The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. 

The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore.

We are all born sinners, wrapped in a cloak of death. The penalty of sin, which is death, was paid for us on the Cross so that the rags of death could be stripped way and replaced by the garments of life. The same One who redeemed Israel has redeemed all His chosen people. God reached down into the "refuse heap" (Isaiah 25:10) and drew us out to be washed by the Blood and given eternal life. 

How awesome is our God! Let us, every day, remember to Whom we belong, from what we were saved, and the Price that was paid. Thanks be to God!

"O Lord, You are my God. I will exalt You, I will praise Your name, for you have done wonderful things; Your counsels of old are faithfulness and truth."