Eucharisteo

This last week I finished reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. It was a fantastic story and journey of a woman seeking the joy, thanksgiving, and grace in every day life. She has a very creative writing style which illustrates the way she looks at life. Her focus throughout the book is finding the Eucharisteo in every situation. The word Eucharisteo is the Greek word meaning thanksgiving. The root word of Eucharisteo is charis which means "grace" and the word chara means "joy."
Toward the beginning of the book someone challenges her to make a list of 1000 gifts or things that she is thankful for and through the making of the list her eyes are opened to seeing things in a new light. Finding the joy in little things, in the mundane, the simple, and the challenging. She finds grace in the trials, the pain, and the sorrow. It is a journey of seeing God's loving hand at work in our lives in a way that we do not normally stop to think about or recognize as love and grace. Often it's hard to see Christ's love displayed though the pain of a friend's suffering, or the grace in the blown tire, or the joy in a cup of spilled milk, but as Ann writes down things she's thankful for she begins looking for moments and opportunities to thank God, she shares the Eucharisteo moments with her children, and life becomes a cup of joy and grace instead of the tiresome and crazy life of a mother with a half-dozen children.
I am taking up the challenge to begin a list. To stop and recognize the blessings and gifts around me. To search for the hidden treasures. To reform the way I look at life and to see it through the eyes of Eucharisteo. I encourage you to read the book if you have a chance. It's wonderful!

Freshman Year: A Twist I wasn't Expecting

I think 6 months is the longest I've gone between blog posts. Most of you (if anyone still reads my blog) probably thought college had eaten me, but I did actually survive freshman year. However, college took quite a different turn than I expected. Two weeks before finals, I got engaged.

It's a long story, but here goes. 

I had arrived in Moscow, gotten settled in, met my room mates, and said a tearful goodbye to my family and went down to a local coffee shop called Bucers with one of my roomies. We sat at a long table in the front and I met a lady named Mrs. Lloyd and her daughter. We talked for a while about who knows what, probably school, why I picked NSA, my family, etc. A few days later was Orientation, my first Sunday at Christ Church, and then a church wide picnic. I saw Mrs. Lloyd and her husband and stopped to say hi. Then their son Tellan walked over and introduced himself. He was an NSA Sophomore. Cool. Nice family. I moved on and prepared to start school. What I didn't know was that Mr. Lloyd and Jordyn (Tellan's sister) had picked me out and told Tellan before he even met me.

As the first term (8 weeks) began, Tellan made an effort to talk to me a lot at church, at school, at Bucers, and if we happened to be studying on our porch when he walked by since he lived just around the block. By fall break my siblings and I could tell that he was becoming quite interested in me. Leaving coffee in my mailbox was just one of the many hints. Meanwhile Tellan had talked to his parents about "ya know that girl you mentioned?" At the end of the term I left to go home for fall break and Tellan contacted my dad. He was interested in getting to know me and possibly pursue a relationship later on. I talked to my parents for a while and my dad gave us permission to spend some time getting to know one another. 

So the second term we spent time "studying" and talking at Starbucks, enjoying Sabbath meals with friends at his house, mine, or other places, and talking at school, etc. He also walked me home from school on days when our classes finished at the same time. Again, I headed home for Thanksgiving break and Tellan called my dad again. He was ready to take it to the next step. Again we talked about it  and then Dad began getting to know Tellan on his own and asking him questions. 

The end of the term began to draw to a close and we studied for finals, had a pancake party at his house, and things were great. Or so he thought. Two days before I left, with school off my mind, I had time to actually start thinking about where things were headed with this relationship. Stress and exhaustion got the better of me and I freaked out. Things like "he's kinda quirky," "I need to focus on school," "I can't handle school and a relationship," and "I don't know if I even really like him," were the thoughts my mom was bombarded with as we video chatted. My roommates were out enjoying their freedom and soaking up every minute of Christmas break, while I sat at home, lights dim, tired eyes red from tears. And I received a text: "hey, we should hang out before you leave." The moment I was dreading. I bundled up, he walked by, and knocked on the door while I prayed for God to give me the words, prayed he wouldn't be too hurt, and that I wouldn't cry. We walked down to One World (another local coffee shop). 

We ordered coffee, went up to the loft, and talked. He tried to carry the conversation, asking questions, making comments, but I was quiet and not my normal self and it was obvious. All the time I sat trying to figure out how to broach the subject, how to tell him I wasn't interested. He finally asked, "is everything ok? You're really quiet." I stared at my ceramic mug fingers tracing the rim. "Yeah, there's something I need to tell you." Then it was out. Silence. How hard did it hit? Is he terribly hurt? Now what? We talked some more and he said it was fine, and he understood. He wanted to know when we could talk about it again. Ummm when I'm 25? 40? Never? "Probably nothing till summer" I said. He nodded. Well, with that wet blanket thrown out there, we pulled our coats on and walked out. He stopped at the house his dad was staying at while he was in town and picked up the gift he had gotten me, walked me to my house, and gave me the gift. Why? After I just shot you in the arm you go and give me a gift? It was a Lee Brice CD and a bag of gummy worms. Man... he already knows me well. 

I cried myself to sleep, confused, exhausted, drained, and annoyed that I didn't understand my own feelings. 

I left early the next morning to drive home with Caity and a friend of ours from NM. The ride was 21 hours and I slept through most of it. Four weeks of Christmas break, four weeks of anguish, frustration, confusion, sleep, prayer, and talking to my mom. By the time I went back to school I was convinced I had done the right thing, I needed and wanted to finish freshman year, and I wasn't ready for a relationship. Though Tellan had seemed calm and fine after coffee that night, I had no idea that all Christmas break he was just as miserable and upset as I was. Even though he had a feeling things weren't really over, that didn't keep him from feeling the pain. 

When we got back to school, I was holding firm to my resolve and we avoided each other and didn't talk for the first two weeks. As providence would have it, that was "courtship" term in Lordship class where we talked about the roles of men and women, courtship, and marriage. Pretty soon I began realizing that we had gotten to know each other pretty well, and I missed my friend. I also realized as we read about what a godly man and husband should be like, that I knew a man with so many of those wonderful qualities and he was interested in me. 

One day I was out shoveling snow (or rather chipping ice) on our side walk when Tellan walks up. He had been praying that God would give him an opportunity just to talk to me. Boom. Prayer answered. He stopped and we talked for a few minutes, he walked home to get a better shovel, came back and finished chipping the ice. As I stood there watching him, he apologized to me! What did he have to apologize for? I was the one that was so unsure of herself, the one that caused the pain. Wow! At least we could be friends again. I talked to a professor one afternoon about Tellan and relationships and life. I began talking to my parents about Tellan again and informed them that I was interested in pursing a relationship with him if he was still interested. My dad emailed to ask if he wanted to pick up where they left off. He was answered with an enthusiastic yes. At the end of third term, my family went down to Arizona for spring break. That happens to be where Tellan's family lives and so we met up with them several times. Mid week my dad gave Tellan and I permission to start courting. 

We began spending even more time together studying, talking, eating, sitting together at Church, etc. We also began reading a courtship book together. My dad had given him permission to try and win my heart and he did exactly that. We got engaged on the front porch of my house where we had spent lots of time talking, studying, and reading. We are so excited to get married this summer and begin next school year as a married couple.  

Thank you to all of you who prayed for us and were a huge encouragement to us both throughout our relationship. 

~Striving for Christ,

Marissa

Fill, Dump, Reload

Reading, reading, reading. My brain is so full, so tired. The thought of trying to add one more book of City of God almost makes me cringe. Not because I don’t appreciate it, but because I am trying so hard to process what I’ve already read. I struggle with speed reading, knowing I’m not catching every word. It feels like cheating, but that’s what our professors want us to do. I resign, not because I want to, but because that is the only possible way get it all done before class. My mind wanders....thinking back to the beautiful days of summer -- back to lazy days of reading, volleyball, laying in the sun, family, friends, bowling, baseball games, backpacking, and water fights -- it all comes flooding back. I begin to miss my little younger brothers all over again. Something else that made the summer so wonderful was the growth and change we saw in the boys. They grew up before my eyes, not only in height and age, but in character. What a blessing. Praise God for His faithfulness. 

I thank God for the blessings He pours out on us each and every day. My eyes fill with tears as I think of how every little aspect of life is evidence of God’s overflowing love. The fact that the sun rises and sets every day. The changing of the seasons. Finding something you lost, receiving a sweet text from your daddy that just says “hey, thinking about you. I love you.” The joy of wearing a sweatshirt on a chilly evening. Receiving a care package from your mom which includes Oreos and a coffee thermos. So often we overlook the small things that God places in our lives. God loves it when we take delight in Him, in the little things He made, and in the little joys in life. I am so overwhelmed with the idea and presence of His great love. 

It is too much to comprehend, but never to much to give thanks for. Thanks be to God for His infinite and unfathomable love for His children. And now, it is time to return to the books. City of God calls whether I feel ready or not. 

*I wrote this one night last week when I just had too much on my mind to focus on Augustine. 

Wait

In reply to yesterday's blog post, a friend of mine sent me part of this poem. It is a beautiful poem about trusting God and learning to wait on His perfect timing. It fits perfectly. I love how God uses friends to encourage us at just the right time and in just the right way. What a blessing.

Wait

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Thankful Thursday

Ok, so the title maybe a little cliché in the blogging world, but I like it anyway and I'm going to use it. Regardless, I think it is important to express our gratitude to God and to other people. There is so much to be thankful for, but it is often so much easier to be negative; grumbling when things don't go the way we planned. It takes effort and intentionality to focus on the simple joys and blessings in life. When you stop to look, there really is a lot to be thankful for! Here is the beginning of what I hope will be a long list of blessings and things that make me smile. Join me in the challenge, whether in blogging, journaling, prayer, or just your thoughts, to spend a little less time grumping and more time praising God for the numerous gifts He gives us each day.

1. A beautiful, warm spring day
2. Sewing with my sister
3. Amazing homemade arrabiata sauce
4. Game night with my older siblings and parents
5. A brother with a great sense of humor
6. The beauty of life: grass, deciduous trees, and flowers
7. A multitude of friends who encourage and support me in my decisions and endeavors
8. The unfathomable grace of our Lord and Savior