Act As Though You Love and You Will

As I've been reading books are marriage this summer I've been thinking a lot about what it means to love people, not just your fiancé/spouse, but anyone that God places in our lives. Specifically I've been thinking about it in regards to siblings and close family members. What does it mean to love? How do we force ourselves to love people we are not naturally inclined to love. Perhaps we have been hurt by people close to us, people who we want to have a relationship with, people we want to trust, or people who are daily involved in our lives––yet there is a barrier between you and them. I've been, and sometimes still am, in that position with my family. I am sure that there will be times that I find it difficult to love my husband, though right now that seems nearly impossible. =) What I've been reminded of is that love is not all about an emotion. It is not just a feeling––it is a commandment. We are commanded to love others as Christ loves us. Emotions cannot be commanded, but they can be taught. When we struggle to love someone, we have to ask God to love them through us and to teach us how to love with action and not just emotion. There are a few quotes from Tim Keller's book The Meaning of Marriage that have really stood out to me.

"It is a mistake to think that you must feel love in order to give it."
"Do not waste time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the greatest secrets. WHen you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him."

We have to act as though we love someone even when we don't feel like it. As we do so, we should pray for two things, that God would give us the grace to love them, and secondly pray for that person. When you pray for someone else you will come to care about them more, you will look for the good, you will rejoice in the little triumphs, you will see more of their strengths and less of their weaknesses. It is so important that we be in prayer for our siblings, our spouses, and our children. How much greater could our love for them be if we forget about satisfying ourselves, forget about feeling love, and focus on the act of loving as Christ did? However we can not love with Christ's love if we do not have a proper relationship with God ourselves. We have know His love for us and understand the sacrifices He made for us out of love.
We are to "bare the cross of Christ," the trials of everyday life, but we should not see them as burdens, but as a way to lose our own life for the sake of someone else. To serve, to put the needs of others above our own, and to love with Christ's love. We are told that we if try to save our lives and live for our own pleasure and happiness, we will lose our lives, but if we live a life of service and humility as Christ did, we will find true life and true joy.

"Seek to serve one another rather than to be happy, and you will find new and greater happiness"


*All Quotes from Tim Keller's book The Meaning of Marriage.

Eucharisteo

This last week I finished reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. It was a fantastic story and journey of a woman seeking the joy, thanksgiving, and grace in every day life. She has a very creative writing style which illustrates the way she looks at life. Her focus throughout the book is finding the Eucharisteo in every situation. The word Eucharisteo is the Greek word meaning thanksgiving. The root word of Eucharisteo is charis which means "grace" and the word chara means "joy."
Toward the beginning of the book someone challenges her to make a list of 1000 gifts or things that she is thankful for and through the making of the list her eyes are opened to seeing things in a new light. Finding the joy in little things, in the mundane, the simple, and the challenging. She finds grace in the trials, the pain, and the sorrow. It is a journey of seeing God's loving hand at work in our lives in a way that we do not normally stop to think about or recognize as love and grace. Often it's hard to see Christ's love displayed though the pain of a friend's suffering, or the grace in the blown tire, or the joy in a cup of spilled milk, but as Ann writes down things she's thankful for she begins looking for moments and opportunities to thank God, she shares the Eucharisteo moments with her children, and life becomes a cup of joy and grace instead of the tiresome and crazy life of a mother with a half-dozen children.
I am taking up the challenge to begin a list. To stop and recognize the blessings and gifts around me. To search for the hidden treasures. To reform the way I look at life and to see it through the eyes of Eucharisteo. I encourage you to read the book if you have a chance. It's wonderful!

Freshman Year: A Twist I wasn't Expecting

I think 6 months is the longest I've gone between blog posts. Most of you (if anyone still reads my blog) probably thought college had eaten me, but I did actually survive freshman year. However, college took quite a different turn than I expected. Two weeks before finals, I got engaged.

It's a long story, but here goes. 

I had arrived in Moscow, gotten settled in, met my room mates, and said a tearful goodbye to my family and went down to a local coffee shop called Bucers with one of my roomies. We sat at a long table in the front and I met a lady named Mrs. Lloyd and her daughter. We talked for a while about who knows what, probably school, why I picked NSA, my family, etc. A few days later was Orientation, my first Sunday at Christ Church, and then a church wide picnic. I saw Mrs. Lloyd and her husband and stopped to say hi. Then their son Tellan walked over and introduced himself. He was an NSA Sophomore. Cool. Nice family. I moved on and prepared to start school. What I didn't know was that Mr. Lloyd and Jordyn (Tellan's sister) had picked me out and told Tellan before he even met me.

As the first term (8 weeks) began, Tellan made an effort to talk to me a lot at church, at school, at Bucers, and if we happened to be studying on our porch when he walked by since he lived just around the block. By fall break my siblings and I could tell that he was becoming quite interested in me. Leaving coffee in my mailbox was just one of the many hints. Meanwhile Tellan had talked to his parents about "ya know that girl you mentioned?" At the end of the term I left to go home for fall break and Tellan contacted my dad. He was interested in getting to know me and possibly pursue a relationship later on. I talked to my parents for a while and my dad gave us permission to spend some time getting to know one another. 

So the second term we spent time "studying" and talking at Starbucks, enjoying Sabbath meals with friends at his house, mine, or other places, and talking at school, etc. He also walked me home from school on days when our classes finished at the same time. Again, I headed home for Thanksgiving break and Tellan called my dad again. He was ready to take it to the next step. Again we talked about it  and then Dad began getting to know Tellan on his own and asking him questions. 

The end of the term began to draw to a close and we studied for finals, had a pancake party at his house, and things were great. Or so he thought. Two days before I left, with school off my mind, I had time to actually start thinking about where things were headed with this relationship. Stress and exhaustion got the better of me and I freaked out. Things like "he's kinda quirky," "I need to focus on school," "I can't handle school and a relationship," and "I don't know if I even really like him," were the thoughts my mom was bombarded with as we video chatted. My roommates were out enjoying their freedom and soaking up every minute of Christmas break, while I sat at home, lights dim, tired eyes red from tears. And I received a text: "hey, we should hang out before you leave." The moment I was dreading. I bundled up, he walked by, and knocked on the door while I prayed for God to give me the words, prayed he wouldn't be too hurt, and that I wouldn't cry. We walked down to One World (another local coffee shop). 

We ordered coffee, went up to the loft, and talked. He tried to carry the conversation, asking questions, making comments, but I was quiet and not my normal self and it was obvious. All the time I sat trying to figure out how to broach the subject, how to tell him I wasn't interested. He finally asked, "is everything ok? You're really quiet." I stared at my ceramic mug fingers tracing the rim. "Yeah, there's something I need to tell you." Then it was out. Silence. How hard did it hit? Is he terribly hurt? Now what? We talked some more and he said it was fine, and he understood. He wanted to know when we could talk about it again. Ummm when I'm 25? 40? Never? "Probably nothing till summer" I said. He nodded. Well, with that wet blanket thrown out there, we pulled our coats on and walked out. He stopped at the house his dad was staying at while he was in town and picked up the gift he had gotten me, walked me to my house, and gave me the gift. Why? After I just shot you in the arm you go and give me a gift? It was a Lee Brice CD and a bag of gummy worms. Man... he already knows me well. 

I cried myself to sleep, confused, exhausted, drained, and annoyed that I didn't understand my own feelings. 

I left early the next morning to drive home with Caity and a friend of ours from NM. The ride was 21 hours and I slept through most of it. Four weeks of Christmas break, four weeks of anguish, frustration, confusion, sleep, prayer, and talking to my mom. By the time I went back to school I was convinced I had done the right thing, I needed and wanted to finish freshman year, and I wasn't ready for a relationship. Though Tellan had seemed calm and fine after coffee that night, I had no idea that all Christmas break he was just as miserable and upset as I was. Even though he had a feeling things weren't really over, that didn't keep him from feeling the pain. 

When we got back to school, I was holding firm to my resolve and we avoided each other and didn't talk for the first two weeks. As providence would have it, that was "courtship" term in Lordship class where we talked about the roles of men and women, courtship, and marriage. Pretty soon I began realizing that we had gotten to know each other pretty well, and I missed my friend. I also realized as we read about what a godly man and husband should be like, that I knew a man with so many of those wonderful qualities and he was interested in me. 

One day I was out shoveling snow (or rather chipping ice) on our side walk when Tellan walks up. He had been praying that God would give him an opportunity just to talk to me. Boom. Prayer answered. He stopped and we talked for a few minutes, he walked home to get a better shovel, came back and finished chipping the ice. As I stood there watching him, he apologized to me! What did he have to apologize for? I was the one that was so unsure of herself, the one that caused the pain. Wow! At least we could be friends again. I talked to a professor one afternoon about Tellan and relationships and life. I began talking to my parents about Tellan again and informed them that I was interested in pursing a relationship with him if he was still interested. My dad emailed to ask if he wanted to pick up where they left off. He was answered with an enthusiastic yes. At the end of third term, my family went down to Arizona for spring break. That happens to be where Tellan's family lives and so we met up with them several times. Mid week my dad gave Tellan and I permission to start courting. 

We began spending even more time together studying, talking, eating, sitting together at Church, etc. We also began reading a courtship book together. My dad had given him permission to try and win my heart and he did exactly that. We got engaged on the front porch of my house where we had spent lots of time talking, studying, and reading. We are so excited to get married this summer and begin next school year as a married couple.  

Thank you to all of you who prayed for us and were a huge encouragement to us both throughout our relationship. 

~Striving for Christ,

Marissa